Lately, I have found myself sitting with my fear often. Noticing that I want to label it as either good or bad, putting my fear on a spectrum. However, I’ve come to realize that fear, like all emotions, is not linear and it’s not always negative. Fear tends to be the most present when our thoughts drift into the future, into the unknown. Being pregnant with my first child has me thinking about what’s to come from labor and delivery to bringing our new baby home. The future is filled with unknowns and my brain wants to fill in the blanks.

What I’m discovering is that fear cannot be eliminated. Being afraid is a human experience. Fear is something our brain does to protect us. So long as you’re human, you’ll experience fear. Fighting fear is to be afraid, however being aware of fear when it’s happening cultivates wisdom. This is the true practice. There is helpful fear and unhelpful fear. Fear can be debilitating, especially when we let it run the show. Taking time to check in with our self and notice if we’re holding our self back because of fear-based stories we’ve created brings us into the present moment and out of the future. Sometimes we don’t even realize when we trap ourselves in the fear zone.

When I sat down to write this blog, I wanted to reach out to some friends and family and see what fear meant to them. Here are some of the responses I got:

“Fear to me is something that comes along with new and challenging experiences that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Having fear to me means that you’re uncomfortable which isn’t always necessarily a bad thing. It is something that can motivate you to be better and to strive to reach new levels in your life to increase your personal growth. Without fear we would constantly be in the same state of mind. Fear is something that can constantly be pushing us as people to better ourselves and reach new limits no matter what you’re trying to achieve.”

“Fear is regret, it’s wishing you have more courage than you do. Fear can mean physical harm but more often fear is mental bonds that inhibit doing what you want to do. Fear can be unfounded judgement from the opinions of others. Fear is the opposite of freedom.

“Having fear is for me a lesser, weaker, smaller version of myself. A coward who knows he is capable of more but is incapable of breaking free. Fear is the worry of the safety and well-being of my family knowing I can’t always be there to protect them.”

“Fear is a feeling you get when you think something, or someone can harm you. Having fear for me means that we are still just animals with basic instincts, but because our brains are so much more complex we can use that fear to motivate and drive us to overcome whatever we were scared of. Depending on what the specific fear is, it could definitely be helpful in the way to push you to be better because of your fear.”

“Fear is something that makes me uncomfortable, irrational behavior, which is usually related to me feeling out of control. I do think fear can be helpful. I think it can keep us safe, or cautious/aware/alert of bad or threatening situations. I think that we have it instinctively inside of because of that, but I do think it can definitely be harmful and hindering as well.”

Within all of these narratives there is polarity; fear can help us, and it can hold us back. Without fear, how would we know to look both ways before crossing the street or not touch a hot stove. In order to use fear for our highest good, it’s helpful to step outside of our own fear and look at the situation objectively. By being objective, we can call out the stories we have made up about a situation. Coming back to being pregnant, it’s easy for me to get lost in all the horror stories I hear and read about giving birth. Therefore, when I think about giving birth, I get scared because I imagine something horrible happening to me. I make up a terrifying story and then my mind and body get lost in it. This pattern isn’t productive or conducive to being present and mindful.

However, I can use my fear to learn more about labor and delivery. I can stay in the present moment and continue to remind myself about what is real and true. The truth is, I have no control over the future and my body innately knows what to do to bring my baby into the world. Having love for myself, my body and this experience helps me to cultivate a more positive manifestation of what the future may hold. Just like we make up a fear-based story of the future, we can create a more positive and optimistic version of the story.

Feeling fearful can be isolating. We suffer in silence because we think no one else will understand. When you notice your fear taking over, reach out to a friend and share your story. Schedule an appointment with a therapist (see our blog on how to find a therapist). Journal and meditate about what you are feeling and experiencing. Ask yourself if the story you’re creating is real and true. Lastly, ask yourself how your fear is trying to motivate you. Our fear may be pushing us toward taking a risk, making a difficult decision or even starting something we’ve been avoiding for so long. Having the courage to look at our fear, sit with it, listen to it and know it enables us to learn more about ourselves.