INTIMACY (In-To-Me-See)
Photo by Scott McCormick
I used to think intimacy was something that happened only in the bedroom between two people. Sure, being naked, while showing yourself to another and having sex is incredibly intimate however, we can have sex without being intimate at all. Perhaps in the dark, with no affection or eye contact. Relationships suffer because making love becomes a ‘check the box’ or ‘chore’ instead of real connection. Furthermore, there are other ways of practicing intimacy that don’t include eroticism. For example, having a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding, saying ‘I love you” for the first time, sitting in silence with someone while they cry and learning how to set boundaries to stand up for yourself are all forms of intimacy. When we practice intimacy, we are also practicing being vulnerable and courageous. Intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship; closeness and the word intimate means to make known. Intimacy is making yourself known to another and known to yourself. It is opening your heart and saying, ‘Come on in, I see you!”. I cannot think of anything more courageous and powerful!
“When we practice intimacy, we are also practicing being vulnerable and courageous.”
“Seeing a therapist is an intimate experience, and it can also help guide you through fears of being vulnerable, while in a safe space.”
I believe that intimacy is something that we are getting away from more and more with modern technology. We no longer write long letters and put them in the mail or pick up the phone and have deep conversations for hours. Our cell phones have taken over most of our time and attention. Instead of being present and having a conversation with our partner over dinner, we both stare at our screens scrolling in silence. Instead of a call, we send a text. Pictures get ‘Likes’ instead of frames on the wall. There is nothing wrong with technology if we can find a balance, while staying present and connected to each other.
It is time for us to start coming home to each other. Surrendering our egos, taking off our masks and showing ourselves, scars and all. We are all suffering to one extent or another and there is nothing more isolating than feeling like you are suffering alone. We don’t need to pretend that everything is ‘fine’ or ‘okay’. We can be vulnerable with each other and connect on a deeper level through honesty and courage. This practice of being intimate is what breeds true connection. If you and your significant other haven’t had sex in a while, maybe sit down and have a real conversation with each other without televisions or phones present. Be open about how you’re feeling and share what you’ve been keeping inside out of fear of being judged. Look each other in the eyes and see the other person sitting in front of you. Show affection through warmth and touch, hold and hug one another. This practice will spark true intimacy.
“Instead of being present and having a conversation with our partner over dinner, we both stare at our screens scrolling in silence.”