Inter-Generational Trauma

With our first baby on the way, I have been thinking a great deal about how my childhood and upbringing will impact how I mother and how my husband and I will parent. I experienced trauma from a young age ranging from physical, sexual and emotional abuse to separation from my biological father and a dysfunctional, broken home. My fear is that somehow the toxic energy from my past and my family’s past will seep into my baby’s psyche. After doing some research, I came across articles on inter-generational trauma. Inter-generational trauma was established to identify generational patterns and behaviors in families, including the transmission of trauma from one generation to the next, sometimes called the generational curse.

“What is overwhelming and unnameable is passed on to those we are closest to. Our loved ones carry what we cannot. And we do the same.”

-       Molly S. Castelloe Ph.D., The Me in We

Inter-generational trauma can negatively impact families when ignored, causing the negative patterns of behavior within the family system to keep repeating. According to Támara Hill, MS, LPC, “Many families “cope” with inter-generational trauma by employing two unhealthy coping mechanisms:

Denial – refusing to acknowledge the trauma happened

Minimization – ignoring the impact of the trauma and making the traumatic experience appear smaller than it really is.”

These patterns influence the lifespan of the family tying into the family’s beliefs and perpetuating the behaviors. Unfortunately, these patterns result in a long lineage of unresolved emotions, untreated substance abuse and mental health and poor parent-child relationships. When there is no treatment, therapy, support and the family is unstable, it is difficult to acknowledge the trauma and heal as a family. Luckily, when I was a teenager, I already noticed negative patterns within my family, and knew I wanted to break the cycle, so I sought out therapy myself.

“The ways in which family members “cope” with inter-generational trauma can set the precedence for younger generations. For example, a grandparent who refused to examine the impact of her trauma may be teaching her grandchildren (intentionally or unintentionally) to ignore the impact of their trauma. Sooner or later the trauma is likely to be triggered by something. Trauma is not something you can hide from, no matter how hard you try.”

-       Támara Hill, MS, LPC

After learning about inter-generational trauma, I felt a sense of relief because I have not ignored the things that happened to me within my family when I was young. I was willing to face myself and what happened and work through the trauma, no matter how painful and vulnerable the therapeutic experience. I knew no one else in my family had tried going to therapy and I knew if I wanted change, I had to do things differently. The ideal situation would be for everyone in my family to notice the negative patterns and behaviors that keep repeating and want to break the cycles too. However, I have come to accept that I am only responsible for myself and now for the family I am building.

If you have noticed negative patterns within your family system, it’s important not to ignore them. Seeking therapy to learn how to develop healthy coping skills creates resilience in the long run. It takes awareness to notice behaviors that are toxic and to address trauma that has been left undone. Sometimes there can be trauma that has been kept a secret for generations that needs to be addressed and talked about so the whole family system can heal. Communication is a huge part of working through unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Lastly, if you are the only one in your family that wants to heal and change, it’s important to establish boundaries with other family members that choose to continue repeating patterns and behaviors from past generations.

References:

Molly S. Castelloe. Psychology Today. “How Trauma Is Carried Across Generations

Holding the secret history of our ancestors.”

Támara Hill. Psych Central. “Inter-generational Trauma: 6 Ways It Affects Families”